My Struggle With Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety. It is like this dark cloud that can follow you around. Few want to admit or acknowledged it's existence, but there it is, looming. Admitting we have it gives us even more anxiety and ignoring it can make it difficult to do anything.

It wasn't easy to admit that I suffer from social anxiety. It started as just flat out anxiety. I had never suffered from it and didn't even realize what it was. I noticed my issues with anxiety after Makenzee was born, my first child. I was a single mom and was terrified of everything. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else driving her in a car, struggled with working and a social life because I was afraid to leave her with anyone and slept near her all the time. I had read too many books on SIDs. Spiders, scorpions, and anything and everything terrified me. Lets face it, I was literally insane and had no idea.

Fast forward a eleven years, I have 5 total kids now. I am divorced. My marriage was toxic and controlling. I have met an amazing man now who supports me to the max. I am happy.

I don't have daily anxiety anymore, been there, seen that at this point. What I have now is social anxiety. At one point I was fun. I enjoyed socializing, going out on the town and talking to my friends. Now, I really keep to myself an prefer spending time with my family.

The social anxiety comes in hit or miss. I frequently feel like I am going to be judged. I spent many years in a marriage with someone who convinced me that I would never be good enough and with 4 kids with 2 dads, no one would like me or want me. That has stuck in my head more than anyone reading this can fathom. Imagine upping it to 5 kids, 3 dads and an amazing man that you most times, you can't understand why he picked you. I guess my anxiety revolves around what others think of me. I know I shouldn't worry or care and I should let things go, but lets face it, we all read and hear when people have terrible things to say about a situation like this.

My feelings of anxiety and insecurity really tie together and make it difficult for me. Some days, I could care less. Some days, aren't easy and I really worry and keep to myself. I wish it was easier and I wish people were not SO DANG JUDGMENTAL. Unfortunately, that is life. I have been better lately at coming to terms with my life. I don't want this to make me seem unhappy, because that is NOT the case. I couldn't ask for more happiness or love than I have at this point in my life. When I am having a bad day and really feeling down, I find that taking deep breaths, taking a shower, getting ready and reminding myself how awesome I am really helps me.

One thing that has helped me is some of the friendships that I have made with a few fellow blogger friends. I find that we have a connection that is different and non judgmental! I really try to surround myself with people who are positive and uplifting, people who are caring and HAPPY. It has made such a difference in my life, but in the end, social anxiety isn't going to just go away. It is something I have to deal with day by day, moment by moment.

Here is to any other ladies dealing with it...I don't have answers for you. I don't have tips. It is something we all have to deal with and embrace in our own ways. Know that not everyone is out to judge you and know that you are doing the best, most amazing that you can possibly do for yourself and your loved ones!

-Laura

A Letter To My Younger Self

If you could go back in time, would you change anything? I feel like that is a statement we often use "I wish I would have...." "I wish I didn't". It haunts us sometimes. I have spent years thinking and pestering over decisions I have and haven't made. I have been so hard on myself at times.

Since I met Payton, I realized that I wouldn't change a thing. If things didn't happen the way they did, I never would never have met him, I wouldn't have found this amazing love, and I possibly could be without my sweet family. The decisions that I made have led to some really tough lessons, but they were lessons that had to be learned to get to where I am. 

Even though I wouldn't change a thing, I wish I could have a letter from older me, guiding me on some things. So here goes guys. 

Dear Laura,

I know life has been hard on you, but always remember who you are and where you came from. Don't stress so hard on earning your father's love, in the end, he won't be there for you. Taking everything to heart is something you will always do and trying to find the love he didn't give you will end in a lot of heartache. Your strength will get you through the times, but many tears will still fall. 

Moving from a large city to a small town may be scary, but it will be worth it. In the small town, you will meet the friends who stand by your side for a lifetime, learn your love of horses and make some of your favorite memories. 

As a child, you and your dad will be close, but as you grow older, your bond will fade and eventually disappear as you grow into adulthood. Don't let the hurt emotions rule your decision making. Hold tight to the memories he gave you and character he gave you, they mean so much throughout your life and will come into play as an adult and when you find real love. 

Preteen Laura will have some tough lessons. Eighth grade is full of bullying and you will take it with you for a long time. You will learn that being friends with popular kids is not fun and when some are jealous of you, they will go to any extent to hurt you. I am sure some of them are still huge bitches, so let it go. Don't let it make you feel so self conscious throughout life. Also, this is when you hurt your hip in cheer. Go to the doctor, don't tough out the pain. A hip replacement in your 30's will be the result. 

Teenager Laura is a nightmare. Drinking and partying is super unnecessary, give it a break ok? You are so smart and drop all of your honors classes and eventually school, please don't go down that path. This is when you give up on something that will haunt you through life, riding horses. Don't do it. Your talent is a once in a lifetime talent, don't let it go to waste. You will ALWAYS regret this decision. 

And teenage Laura, don't be so hard on your mom. Someday, you will be very close. Do not push her away when you need her the most. 

Becoming a mother will be so hard for you. Shortly after you find out you are pregnant, you will find out about your boyfriend's drug addiction. You cannot save him. You should know this ahead of time, or maybe no, you wouldn't have Makenzee if you would have known. Just know that you CAN do it on your own and you will. 

Let's talk about married Laura. I always say if i could change one thing, it would be to not have been dumb enough to be in such a controlling and emotionally abusive marriage, but I know without it, I wouldn't have Caleb, Connor and Keegan. One thing I would tell myself is to not settle on joint custody during the divorce just to escape. It will come back to get you in the future. Know that no matter how low someone makes you feel, you are always enough. 

Finally, current Laura. Gosh, what to tell myself at this point in life. It is complicated and difficult, but never forget how much love you are surrounded by. You have the love and support of the most amazing man in the world, you have 5 beautiful children and an amazing family. Keep on the path you are on, everything is working out amazing. 

Love, 

You

Otamot Pizza Stuffed Twice Baked Potatoes

*This is a sponsored post by Otamot. All words and opinions are my own.*

Let's face it, easy family meals, that contain enough vegetables to keep parents happy, can be so difficult to find and make! I was so excited when I read about Otamot! It is designed by a parent specifically for picky eaters and ensuring that they get the proper vitamins and nutrients without disturbing the flavor. Otamot is packed with vegetables, vitamins and antioxidants with NO added sugar! It is an easy win win for any family.

My kids are all huge spaghetti fans so making them spaghetti with Otamot sauce was the first thing that we did. Then I started messing around trying to think of new ways to put Otamot into different meals so maximize that benefits of it more often. In our home, pizza and baked potatoes are a huge hit so I figured why not combine them? A twice baked potato that is stuffed with pizza yumminess and Otamot sauce was my answer! Even better, pizza stuffed potato that contains Vitamin A, B1, B2, B3, B6, B12, D, E, Lycopene and HEALTHY fats.

My favorite part of this recipe was the fact that I didn't have to shop for a ton of ingredients. All I used was russet potatoes, butter, oregano, Otamot Sauce, Mozzarella cheese and pepperonis. Simple right? AND I wasn't slaving away in the kitchen! Throw the potatoes in the oven, go on with whatever else and then mix everything up and heat it all quickly! The longest part was the oven time, but I was able to do laundry and cleaning while they baked. Some people do make baked potatoes in the microwave so this is always an option, I personally don't because I have read that microwaving food drains nutrients from it.

Ingredients

•  6 Russet Potatoes
• 1/2 stick of butter (I use grassfed, unsalted)
• 1 teaspoon oregano
• 1/2 jar of Otamot Sauce
• 1 1/2 Cup Mozzarella cheese
• Pepperonis

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees
2. Wash all potatoes and use a fork to poke holes in them
3. Bake for 45 minutes
4. Remove potatoes from the oven (do not turn it off) and let cool. Once they are cool, cut in half lengthwise and spoon insides into a bowl. 
5. Mix potato insides with your butter, oregano and 1 cup of Mozzarella cheese. Add about 1/2 a jar of Otamot and stir everything until combined.
6. Spoon your mixture back into the potato skins. 
7. Spoon a small spoonful of sauce on to the top and sprinkle the last 1/2 cup of cheese over tops.
8. Place pepperonis on top
9. Bake for 15 min
10. ENJOY!!

I couldn't believe how much my kids LOVED these Pizza Stuffed Twice Baked Potatoes! They are now a regular in our home! Try them out for yourself and let me know how your family likes them!!

-Laura

PinkBlush for the WIN

*This is a sponsored post by PinkBlush. All thoughts and opinions are my own*

 

So lets talk mom fashion. How many super cute Instagrammers are out there? With their adorable hats and unique outfits? That is definitely not me. Half of my closet is just plain t-shirts and the other half is sweaters, half of that is stuff I have been wearing since high school! And hats? Ball caps are my go to, I have a bunch and love to wear them. Pathetic, right? But lets face it, if you are anything like me, shopping trips consist of addressing the needs of my children who seem to never stop growing! Going to the store for things for me typically is the grocery store! 

That being said, I was really excited to find PinkBlush! They not only carry women's clothing, but also carry Maternity Clothing and Plus Sized Women's Clothing! I totally wish I would have known when I was pregnant (one of the 5 times! haha) because all of their options are absolutely beautiful. I have totally enjoyed sprucing up my wardrobe which was WAYYYY overdue!

For busy mom's and women in general, having the option to shop for our clothing online is a perfect asset. I have always been a tad nervous because I have previously ordered and had one of those nightmare experiences where the clothing looks like it would fit my daughter and not me. Please tell me I am not the only one! PinkBlush has a sizing chart that is so easy to use and all of the clothes were TRUE to size! I can't even tell you how freaked I was to order my jeans in particular. 

I have to say, I was totally overwhelmed with the outfit and clothing choices on the PinkBlush site! So many amazing choices, but I knew I wanted something versatile that fit my style and could easily dress up or down. I opted to order the Basic Skinny Jeans because they are the perfect style! I knew they would be so easy to dress up or dress down, the perfect jean for any occasion. I can pair them with winter boots, sandals, flats and heels! I can even rock them with tennis shoes. The fit of the PinkBlush Basic Skinny Jeans is PERFECT, they stretch to fit any body size and hug at all the right curves. I really like the way the back pockets are angled! 

I knew the moment I saw the Black Button Ribbed Tank Top that it was the perfect top for me and the outfit I had envisioned. Yet again, it contains the ability to dress up or dress down. The fabric is really great quality, soft and comfortable. I am obsessed with the way it fits, not too tight and not too loose. The unbuttoned look really gives the Black Button Ribbed Tank Top the perfect sex appeal to look classy with a hint of sexy, in a very subtle manner. And being and Arizona girl who sweats excessively, I knew that a tank top was EXACTLY what I wanted and needed. PinkBlush for the win, am I right?

Y'all! The final touch of my outfit I knew had to be a kimono. I have always wanted a long one and have searched up down for the perfect long kimono with no luck. Imagine my excitement when I found the PERFECT PinkBlush Green Floral Print Long Kimono! There it was staring right at me with all of it's beauty. I knew the moment I saw it that this was the center piece of my outfit. Again, it give the dressy or casual effect perfect. I can wear it to dinner or even the grocery store. I built my entire outfit around this kimono choice. 

When my new PinkBlush Green Floral Print Long Kimono arrived, I knew I had made the perfect decision. It is not too long and not to short. It is not too thick and not too thin. It is not to dressy and not too casual. It is my favorite item in my closet, my go to, my top pick. How adorable will this look in the winter with boots? But it is perfect now, with flats or sandals! 

It is safe to say, I am one happy and chic mama! Atleast in this outfit! haha! I will tell you this, PinkBlush IS my new go to online shopping site! Hope you guys check it out, can't wait to see your pics! Make sure you tag me @noturaveragemomof5 ! 

-Laura

Kids Free Vacation List

Traveling is something I have always wanted to do more of and haven't been able to do too much of. I was lucky enough to live in Hawaii for close to a year and lived the ultimate vacation. Beach trips daily, perfect hiking trails and views no matter where I went. So many amazing food options on sites to take in. 

I can't wait to visit more beautiful places and feed my soul the beauty that the world has to offer. Payton and I have devised a list of our top 5 places that we want to travel together(kid free). We obviously want to go to so many more places, but we figured it was best to start with 5 and once we cross those off, add onto it.

- Santorini, Greece

Santorini a volcanic island known for the dramatic views, iconic architecture, and glittering waters. The sunsets are described as magical and breathtaking. Sanatorini is home to some of the oldest vineyards in the world. Wine in paradise, yes please. The best time to visit is between April and November so one of these summers, catch us in Greece! It has always been a dream destination for me. I am so happy that my amazing man wants to share the experience with me. 

- South Lake Tahoe, California/Nevada

Lake Tahoe is known not only as a ski town, but for its beautiful beaches and crystal blue waters. Home to some of the most beautiful hiking trails and waterfalls! We have been talking about visiting for awhile now and can't wait until the day comes that we do! Spring, summer, winter and fall are all perfect times to visit!

- Washington and Oregon coast

We actually had a trip planned to Boise for Memorial day and fire season kick off this past year, but had to cancel last minute when our custody case began. After Boise, we had planned to drive to Seattle then down the coastline of Washington and Oregon. Although I have previously lived in Washington, I didn't get to explore the coast and have always wanted to and it has always been a dream of Payton's. Fingers crossed for next year!

- Assateague Island, Maryland/Virgina

So growing up as a child, I read these stories about an island with wild horses. As a child who grew up with horses, these were my favorite books! Little did I know such a place really does exist. Assateague Island is known for wild horses bathing on the beaches. Sooooo this is one of my top travel dreams and in hand, Payton now gets to live it with me :)

- Mammoth Lake, California

Payton has been to Mammoth, but I haven't. It is somewhere we would love to go together! Summer offers so many amazing hiking opportunities and winter looks like it would be so absolutely magical. Mammoth is known for its breathtaking views and amazing skiing. No matter the time of year we go, neither one of us can wait!

-Laura

Must Have Lily Jade Diaper Bag

This post is sponsored by Lily Jade. All thoughts and opinions are completely my own.

Hey Guys!

I want to talk diaper bags today! Finding a cute, functional diaper bag can seriously be a nightmare. Let's face it, we don't all want to wear Mickey Mouse around! And we don't all want a diaper bag that matches our babies and kids, not us. I have literally struggled through 4 kids with limited diaper bag choices and purchased a million because the quality is just never up to par!

With Rhett, I knew that I just had to have something better than what I had used before. I was sick of carrying a diaper bag and purse around and trying to track down 5 kids! I needed something that would HOLD all of the necessities that a mom of 5 has to carry around. AND I wanted to make sure that it was good quality and actually accentuated my outfits. Why does being a mom have to look like a drag?

Imagine my happiness when I found Lily Jade! Guys. I have been eyeballing mother's carrying similar bags, wondering what amazing bag they were carrying. I finally spotted Lily Jade on Instagram and knew one of their bags was exactly what I needed.

I opted to get the Lily Jade Elizabeth Diaper Bag. It is one of their larger sized bags, but can be carried backpack style or traditionally, over one arm. I LOVE having options when carrying a bag so this was a perfect option for me!

The quality of my Lily Jade bag blew me away. Lily Jade uses premium grade leathers. They tumble the full grain leather to bring out the texture instead of sanding and stamping a pattern. No two bags are exactly the same. Lily Jade bags are made to last! All stitching is detailed and reinforced. When I took the bag out of the box, I got the most amazing whiff of real leather scent. Having grown up with horses, this is a smell I know well and I know means quality.

It is safe to say that the cost of a Lily Jade Bag is well worth it for the amazing quality bag that you are purchasing. Now lets talk about space! The bag is huge on the inside and contains so many pockets! So perfect for bottles and drinks on the go as well as snacks, diapers, change of clothes, wipes, you name it! The bag comes with a soft diaper bag insert so you can quickly add and remove your child's things for different outings. I love that is quickly and easily accommodates what I am doing!

If those reasons aren't all enough, check out all of the bag options for yourself!! Check out the Lily Jade site yourself! I promise, you will love this bag as much as I have!

-Laura